The Toon Zone: To Serve Pork
by TomSurfing
Summary: Looney Tunes parodies Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone episode "To Serve Man"! Welcome to the Toon Zone! When Martians save earthly pigs from their perils, they create a farming utopia on earth. However, it appears that the alien saviors have ulterior motives and plans for the pigs and their big fat butts.


The Toon Zone

Introductory Narration Sequence

[The Toon Zone creepy theme music, resembling the music of The Twilight Zone, begins. With the animation in black-and-white, Bugs Bunny, wearing a business suit, chewing on a carrot-shaped cigar, and floating in the middle of outer space, begins the introductory narration.]

Bugs Bunny: You're zooming and zapping through a looney dimension reminiscent of the looney 1960s…

[A large door with a peace sign on it behind the rabbit narrator and floating in the middle of outer space creaks and opens. However, beyond it is an infinite row of copies of the door all opening in sequence one after the other.]

Bugs Bunny: A two-dimensional dimension full of cheaply animated monsters, aliens, and, well, the ghosts of Mel Blanc and Rod Serling…

[Beyond the doors, very flat 2-D cartoons hanging on suspended wires above the camera appear in sequence. They include the following characters: Gossamer the Monster bursts open one of the floating doors, roars, and then creepily laughs; Marvin the Martian flies in a small flying saucer that shoots exploding dynamite at Duck Dodgers, who flies in a small rocket ship that shoots laser beams at the alien vessel; and finally, the ethereal ghosts of Mel Blanc and Rod Serling appear together, moan "Boo!", and then disappear. Suddenly, a black hole forms and begins sucking everything around it, including the rabbit narrator, into itself like a dark whirlpool.]

Bugs Bunny: This is the black-and-white dimension of the weird and the wacky, of the creepy and the crazy. It is the magical rabbit hole which we cartoons call…The Twilight, or I mean, uh… The Toon Zone!

[Bugs Bunny is the last thing sucked into the black hole as the screen goes completely black until the title "The Toon Zone" flashes in bright light as many stars shoot out of the black hole and form the title across the screen. The Toon Zone creepy theme music climaxes and ends.]

Pilot Episode

The Toon Zone: To Serve Pork

Summary - Looney Tunes parodies Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone episode "To Serve Man"! Welcome to the Toon Zone! When Martians save earthly pigs from their perils, they create a farming utopia on earth. However, it appears that the alien saviors have ulterior motives and plans for the pigs and their big fat butts.

Story

Narrator Bugs Bunny: Eh...What's up, Doc? Well, you're about to know exactly what is up exactly where it is up in just a moment. By the way, do you like eating pork? I'm a carrot man myself, but not many species do like pork since pigs are often considered disgusting and unclean. However, there are those in the Cosmos who love to serve pork. Little green men from Mars whose benevolent interest in serving other species has brought to their attention the big butts of pigs on planet Earth. Welcome to your first round trip…into the Toon Zone.

On a lovely little farm called "Home of the Hogs" and run by Farmer Porky Pig, many pigs work hard on crop fields to feed themselves. The community is peaceful and self-reliant but is plagued by external ills. Fat ladybugs often eat the crops, while big bad wolves often hunt and kidnap the pigs in their sleep at night, causing their food supply and population to suffer. Porky is a smart leader who plans harvests well but he can do little to effectively combat the insect pests and wolf predators. Porky relies on his three little piglet nephews named Fats, Tubs, and Chubs to help run the farm. However, alien saviors from the sky soon arrive on the farm to save the pigs from their perils.

Arriving in flying saucers, Marvin the Martian and many identical little Martians use their robotic K-9 alien dogs, laser guns, pesticides, and flying saucer plasma bombs to repel the ladybug pests and wolf predators from the farm and to bring peace to the pig community. The grateful pigs welcome the Martians as saviors and hold a celebratory Thanksgiving vegetable and fruit feast with the Martians. The Martians promise to always take care of the pigs since the aliens believe the pig species and their big butts are very precious and endangered throughout the cosmos. The Martians explain that they help all fat species who need their help and whose butts are so amazingly big to preserve peace and unity in the cosmos. The Martians always compliment the pigs that they have the biggest butts on planet Earth, while the pigs always compliment the Martians that they are the greatest midget guardian angels from Heaven. The Martians provide the pigs with all the delicious Martian food that they could ever want, ending any hunger in their community. However, the Martian food has the slight but unimportant side effect of drastically increasing the size of the pigs' fat butts.

The mutual leaders Porky Pig and Marvin the Martian soon hold a private meeting inside the alien Mother Ship to discuss the new utopia. Porky is grateful for the Martian custodianship, but Porky is somewhat suspicious of the Martians' true motives for helping the pigs. To test Marvin's true plans, Porky asks Marvin how long the Martians have been observing the pigs from the sky. Marvin explains that the Martians looked across Earth to find a species with the largest anuses since the Martians believe that big butts indicate great intelligence and beauty. Marvin explains that the Martians have saved both hippopotamuses and pigs from all social and environmental ills. Porky then asks where all the hippopotamuses are now. Marvin replies that the hippos are now all peacefully living on Mars, which is an even greater utopia than the pig farm. Marvin boasts about the endlessly abundant sugar cane fields and rivers of milk and honey on Mars, which the Martians and hippos enjoy. Marvin wants Porky's permission to take the pigs to Mars so they too can enjoy the fruits of Heaven. Porky agrees to allow the pigs who wish to visit Mars to be taken in the Martian flying saucers.

Before Porky ends the meeting, Porky notices a large book written in alien hieroglyphics and belonging to Marvin himself. Porky asks Marvin what the book is, and Marvin replies that the book describes the Martian policy of serving others throughout the cosmos. Porky asks if he can borrow and read the book, but Marvin explains that Porky will not understand the Martian language. Porky then notices a translation dictionary from the Martian to English languages next to the book. Eager to discover the true Martian motives if they have any other motives than serving the pigs, Porky has his three little piglets nephews cry wolf, causing Marvin and the other Martians to quickly depart to stop the supposed wolf attacks. Meanwhile, Porky steals both books so he can translate the title of the Martian book.

The Martians soon realize that the three little piglets had accidentally cried wolf upon seeing foxes approaching the community. The Martians and their K-9 dogs soon drive away the invading but harmless foxes. The Martians then invite the pigs to begin traveling to Mars by the end of the month to enjoy the Martian utopia, and most pigs soon happily get free tickets for the imminent voyage. As the end of the month nears, Porky works hard to translate the title of the Martian book and finally discovers that the book is called To Serve Pork. Assured that the benevolent Martians truly want to serve the pig community, Porky's suspicions cease and he himself decides to get a ticket for a trip to Mars and to leave his three little piglets behind to lead the pig farm and its remaining inhabitants who are not yet ready to leave to Mars. Porky shows Fats, Tubs, and Chubs the Martian book, and the three curious little piglets decide to translate the remainder of the book together for fun.

The end of the month finally comes, and many pigs happily board the Martian flying saucers. Before the pigs enter the ships, the Martians gleefully measure the sizes and weights of the pigs' big butts. Porky himself has the biggest and fattest butt of all the pigs. The Martian flying saucers quickly depart and soon only Marvin's Mother Ship remains. Many Martians and K-9s guard the ship from wolf predators while other Martians and K-9s remain with the remaining pigs on the farm to continually protect them on Earth until they want to leave to Mars.

With Marvin ready to take off, Porky is the last pig passenger and begins to board the entrance stairs of the large ship. However, the three little piglets quickly rush towards the ship and scream for Porky. The security Martians and K-9s stop the piglets from entering the ship since they do not have any tickets and it is too late for them to enter the ship which has begun to countdown to liftoff. Porky happily waves goodbye to his nephews, but his nephews shout for him to not enter the ship and to turn back home. As the ship's loud engines strain his hearing, Porky shouts for his nephews to speak more loudly.

The extremely nervous, scared, and pale Fats, Tubs, and Chubs all shout, "Uncle Porky, please don't leave to Mars. Get off the ship! Please come back! You don't understand. The book To Serve Pork…it…"

Seeing how anxious his little nephews are, the confused Porky begins to ponder the title of the Martian book again. A shiver runs down his spine as he nervously whispers to himself, "Don't say it's a cook book…"

As Martians and K-9s restrain the panicking little piglets, Fats, Tubs, and Chubs all shout, "Uncle Porky, The book has a different title. You mistranslated it. The book, the real title To Probe Pigs, it…it's an Anal Probe Manual!"

From the top of the ship stairs, Porky's jaw drops, his eyes widen, his body jiggles and trembles, and his back sweats. The furious Martian and K-9 security guards suddenly beat the three little piglets into submission and silence. Porky tries to race off the stairs of the ship, but many Martians and K-9s drag him into the Mother Ship as it blasts off into the sky and beyond the sky into outer space.

Inside the Mother Ship, the screaming and crying Porky demands to be released, but the Martians and K-9s take Porky to Marvin's main control room. Along the way, Porky sees all the other pigs arrested inside prison cells in the ship and looking very depressed.

Porky is tied to a chair in the control room as the angry Marvin scolds him: "You have made me very angry, very angry indeed! My midget body could just explode from my anger! You stole my book. You let out the secret with your fat filthy mouth. You don't understand, Porky. We serve you pigs so we can study your big butts. Rectal probing is the greatest science of all, and you swine must return our benevolence by allowing us to insert probes into you whether you want them or not. Because we aliens must always study large, fat anuses and always watch over them. We are not perverts, we are universal protectors. Alien anal probing is the Martian Man's burden to spy on and analyze all the pigs of the Cosmos from within their flabby, juicy, dirty butts. Don't you understand, you fool? This is our cosmic dookie, or I mean cosmic duty!"

Thus, the Martians like studying the species with the biggest butts across the cosmos. The Martians befriend the species before abducting them and forcefully inserting anal probes up their fat butts. The Martians can then remotely monitor and study the big butts from afar forever. The diabolical Marvin begins to maniacally laugh as Martians put a sleeping gas mask over the defeated Porky's face to put him to sleep before they begin the anal surgery. Before Porky falls asleep, he sadly whispers, "That's all folks…"

Narrator Bugs Bunny: Eh...What's up your butt, Doc? Well, I sure don't want to know, but we all now know what's up poor Porky's saggy behind. It appears that aliens don't really like pork and that anal probes are the real horrors of intergalactic relations. So can the big bottoms of Earth trust extraterrestrials or not? Well, as long as the aliens do not wish to serve or to probe Man, then First Contact shouldn't be so bad. Hopefully, such nightmares from the Heavens will always remain confined…to the Toon Zone.

The End


End file.
